The forgotten diary

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Ever since I was a little girl, I kept a diary. Writing in it my day to day joys and sorrows, it kept me going through some tuff times (the adolescent times  as they say). It was my priced possession, something which I cherished. School, college, it covered them all.

But true life starts once you are out in the real world. Facing the big bad wolves all clawing for success in every field. I started my job and slowly my diary lay in my closet, waiting for ink to seep in through its pages soon. I wrote my diary mostly during weekends when I was away from the hassles of work and wanted to vent out my anger against sexism at work place and unfair bosses.

I frequented my diary often when the phase of my marriage came along, as there were so many emotions, so many new characters in my life I had to talk about. So many questions and so many dreams. My diary sure was happy as we had become best friends again. But soon after marriage, once I settled down and work and family took all my time, my diary lay forgotten in my closet, dust accumulating on it, still waiting for me to share again. I feel guilty today as I realised that I had stopped writing. My diary is what made me realise I love to write, that I can express myself on paper than otherwise. Yet, it is forgotten now and I feel ashamed. Its like I forgot a friend who was with me listening to me in every wake of my life.

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To all those who keep a journal, DO NOT STOP. It’s a part of who you are. Don’t let it lay forgotten amongst magazines and old newspapers, dusty and frayed. Keep it close to you, cherish it, be regular. There is nothing known as “No time”. You have to make time for everything. Keep your diary alive!

“I’m fixated, now what?!” – Epiphany !!

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The definition of fixated is “cause (someone) to develop an obsessive attachment to someone or something.” 

Now as we have cleared that, I do agree I have a tendency of being fixated way too often. As I have agreed to that, what I don’t get it how should I get it out of my system. Yes, if I like something I need to know everything about it that very moment. I start a book, I need to finish it that very day as I cannot tolerate the rush which goes within my veins thinking about it. I need to get over it soon. If I like someone, again, I am attached(too quickly for my own liking). It has come to my notice that I have been born in the wrong era. Being attached to humans beings in this era is way to hazardous than one hopes for .

Its not like I don’t get reality checks . Because I do. Every new chapter in my life brings along with it an epiphany, but I just don’t seem to learn. And I guess its not just me but many people out there who have this “issue” I guess. This trait dos help me in my work as I do my job well, with every ounce of my heart in it. But again, can’t do anything about it in the personal front. I will have to make do with this “issue” . I will get attached, I will get sad, I will get over it and I shall repeat it again. Its a loop in my life which will never stop. Every epiphany is lead by yet another fixation!!