I have heard my peers say things like, “Ever since she got married, she has changed.”
“Motherhood has changed her”
“Since he became the boss, he has changed totally!”
But is change good or bad? And doesn’t everybody change with time? Time is a funny thing and it has it’s own will. Post marriage I realized that in order to have a happy life, both the spouses have to change a bit. But nobody forces that change on you. If it is forced, it isn’t change, it is just following orders submissively. But if you change for yourself, with a will of your own, then nothing like it. It leads to a happy and peaceful life.
Many people relate change as bad. I mean, sure for some it might be. People may change their attitudes due to a superior job or sudden heartbreaks or emotional setbacks. People change for the world because of the world. That is temporary and the results are not that pleasant. A heartbreak might change you to a person who doesn’t trust anyone else. But that isn’t how it works. Sooner or later you will have someone in your life who will make you trust them. Changing because of events or people won’t help you grow. It will just add a defensive layer around you to show others.
Motherhood changes women. They no longer have time for parties or friendly brunches. But that is not wrong. It is because their only priority at the moment is their child. When the kid grows up, the brunches and parties return slowly. Nobody forces a mother to change. She does it herself. For the child and herself. That kind of change is positive and is needed.
Don’t be let down if people say you have changed. Just be glad you have done it for your own good, smile and carry on.
Ever since I was a little girl, I kept a diary. Writing in it my day to day joys and sorrows, it kept me going through some tuff times (the adolescent times as they say). It was my priced possession, something which I cherished. School, college, it covered them all.
But true life starts once you are out in the real world. Facing the big bad wolves all clawing for success in every field. I started my job and slowly my diary lay in my closet, waiting for ink to seep in through its pages soon. I wrote my diary mostly during weekends when I was away from the hassles of work and wanted to vent out my anger against sexism at work place and unfair bosses.
I frequented my diary often when the phase of my marriage came along, as there were so many emotions, so many new characters in my life I had to talk about. So many questions and so many dreams. My diary sure was happy as we had become best friends again. But soon after marriage, once I settled down and work and family took all my time, my diary lay forgotten in my closet, dust accumulating on it, still waiting for me to share again. I feel guilty today as I realised that I had stopped writing. My diary is what made me realise I love to write, that I can express myself on paper than otherwise. Yet, it is forgotten now and I feel ashamed. Its like I forgot a friend who was with me listening to me in every wake of my life.
To all those who keep a journal, DO NOT STOP. It’s a part of who you are. Don’t let it lay forgotten amongst magazines and old newspapers, dusty and frayed. Keep it close to you, cherish it, be regular. There is nothing known as “No time”. You have to make time for everything. Keep your diary alive!
We have all heard this a million times. Yet, in this very real big bad world of ours, we have seen with our very own eyes that it is so not true.
Everyone prepares a mental image with the first look at a person. We are all prejudiced no matter how much we try to deny it. “First impression”, as people say, its all about looks and attitude. I agree that attitude and personality do play an important role, but come on, are we going to like a person who looks sloppy rather than someone who is neatly dressed , with a good looking face and smart personality in the first meet? I guess not.
Lets take it from another angel. We do not like eating messy looking food. We need our food to look well cooked and well organised. Why do we set out tables while having dinner? Why don’t we just eat directly from the pan we cooked the dinner in? Why to use beautiful china? Because looks matter!
Every wedding has pictures. Everyone wants themselves to look the best. No one would know that the bride is a double PhD or a MD by looking at the picture, but they will definitely know that her hairstyle isn’t good, her dress makes her look fat and so on. Its everywhere. I can give more examples but I guess I have made my point. Sadly, even though people give their thoughts on how looks don’t matter, its the persons heart and mind which do, it isn’t what is happening everywhere. I agree, its the heart and soul of a human being which matters the most.
As said by Lord Krishna, “we should not pay a lot of attention towards our outer body, but instead should work for the inner soul, it’s satisfaction.” So reach out for the soul and not the upper covering, not the looks of the outer body.
When I look at the world around us today I am filled with despair. What I see is barbaric mass killings, cheating, scams, scandals and I am submerged with fear and shame for the human race. What is this race upto? What shall it all end in ? Killing now a days has become as easy as typing the word on the keyboard. Rapes, murders, kidnaping, scandals have become as easy as watching a tom and jerry episode; they come, do the deed and are out within 20 minutes and we are all left gaping at the TV . What has become of this race?
The human race was supposed to be the smart one which survives and thrives all the odds and emerges stronger and victorious. Instead , what I see is this race serving over others corpses and snatching the box of happiness of others and thriving on it . I think we need a reset. We need to recreate the goodness and the positivity which this race was all about.
Just like scientists recreate their solutions when they fail an experiment or atlas make a few tweaks here and there to make sure of the success , we need to make a few changes, or maybe recreate altogether. Just like a kid solving a mathematics recreate his entire solution again to check where he went wrong. We humans need that !!
I do not mean something like Genesis where the word ends and then starts all over again. (Apocalypse is a big NO). what i mean is recreating and finding the humanity and goodness which is still buried deep beneath the pile of greed, jealousy, lust, cheating and lying. We need to reset to out factory settings and become the race which we were meant be. The race which runs this world and makes it a better place and not a scary one.
Every human is structured to have dreams. To hope and imagine things. We all have certain thoughts as to what we want to be, how we want to live and whom we want to live with.
I have come across atleast 50 such moments when I caught myself saying out loud, “Some day I am going to be a writer”; “Someday I will get married, settle down and be contented”; “Someday I will change the world”; and so on….
I am sure many of you must have dreamt and imagined about this “Someday”. We all have dreams, we all want to make a difference. Even a small time office clerk has a dream of someday being a businessman. Even a house maker can have visions of someday making it big as a best selling author along with raising her kids. These aren’t pipe dreams. The certain “Someday” can exist if you don’t just dream about it but also do something about it. These phantasm ideas can turn into reality the moment you believe you can do it.
I am the one to talk, I have been dreaming of publishing my book for almost three years now but my “Someday” hasn’t arrived yet. I want this pipe dream to turn into reality. I want one of the coming days to be my “Someday”. So go get your day everyone!!
What makes you believe in something or someone? What is the force which drives within you to keep faith and moving forward?
Love, friendship, trust are some of the emotions which have no evidence. How will you explain to someone why you love them ? How shall you put forward your case as to why you blindly trust someone? Do you have a strong evidence of the same? I think not.
Some things are left on belief. Some things are better left unsaid. How else would you explain the phenomena of “Love at first sight”. Or what some people call the “Gut feeling”. There are certain things in life which you can’t explain and you have no evidence of . A child does’t need proof that his mother loves him. When a woman agrees to marry a man, there is no solid proof about his intentions but she goes with it. Emotions just exist , just like vacuum. No one has seen vacuum but it exists. There ain’t any cogent evidence but still the human race thrives on love. Thats how powerful love can be. Love comes in many for, be it friends , family or your soulmate. You just need to take the leap of faith.