Changing for yourself

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People say we change. Yes we do. But how and why?

I have heard my peers say things like, “Ever since she got married, she has changed.”

“Motherhood has changed her”

“Since he became the boss, he has changed totally!”

But is change good or bad? And doesn’t everybody change with time? Time is a funny thing and it has it’s own will. Post marriage I realized that in order to have a happy life, both the spouses have to change a bit. But nobody forces that change on you. If it is forced, it isn’t change, it is just following orders submissively. But if you change for yourself, with a will of your own, then nothing like it. It leads to a happy and peaceful life.

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Many people relate change as bad. I mean, sure for some it might be. People may change their attitudes due to a superior job or sudden heartbreaks or emotional setbacks. People change for the world because of the world. That is temporary and the results are not that pleasant. A heartbreak might change you to a person who doesn’t trust anyone else. But that isn’t how it works. Sooner or later you will have someone in your life who will make you trust them. Changing because of events or people won’t help you grow. It will just add a defensive layer around you to show others.

Motherhood changes women. They no longer have time for parties or friendly brunches. But that is not wrong. It is because their only priority at the moment is their child. When the kid grows up, the brunches and parties return slowly. Nobody forces a mother to change. She does it herself. For the child and herself. That kind of change is positive and is needed.

Don’t be let down if people say you have changed. Just be glad you have done it for your own good, smile and carry on.

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The world is much bigger than you

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Being a grown up means stress being your middle name. You are running from from here to there trying to do everything at once.  Pay the bills, pick up your dry cleaning , keep your special one happy and pampered and on top of that, try not to lose your peace of mind. The end result is a zillion of people with raised BP issues, heart problems and other health issues. All because of stress of doing it all.

Being a married woman with a big family, an infant and an understanding (but sometimes childish) husband means a whole lot of hard work for me. I am trying to do dozens of things at once, whilst trying to keep everyone happy and trying not to break down under the pressure. The end result; nothing I do is perfect , everything is haphazardly done and I , personally, suffer emotionally. It was one of those days when my emotions got the better of me and I shed a few tears that my husband gave me some advice. “Its always about the priorities. Prioritize things and do them one by one. No one is perfect. Do one thing at a time and I know you will do it perfectly.”

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It got me thinking, does everyone get to chose their priorities? Or am I one of the few who gets this option. I mean, I have seen people who are trying to make ends meet round the clock. I have seen people do two jobs just to feed their family even though they don’t like either of the jobs. Do they have an option of doing one thing at a time? There is so much of poverty and hunger in this world and here I am worrying over cooking, studying , feeding, etc.. There are wars going on, people dying of diseases unknown . The world is bigger than you and I . So lets take a break and be thankful that you are alive, healthy and happy in this world.

The forgotten diary

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Ever since I was a little girl, I kept a diary. Writing in it my day to day joys and sorrows, it kept me going through some tuff times (the adolescent times  as they say). It was my priced possession, something which I cherished. School, college, it covered them all.

But true life starts once you are out in the real world. Facing the big bad wolves all clawing for success in every field. I started my job and slowly my diary lay in my closet, waiting for ink to seep in through its pages soon. I wrote my diary mostly during weekends when I was away from the hassles of work and wanted to vent out my anger against sexism at work place and unfair bosses.

I frequented my diary often when the phase of my marriage came along, as there were so many emotions, so many new characters in my life I had to talk about. So many questions and so many dreams. My diary sure was happy as we had become best friends again. But soon after marriage, once I settled down and work and family took all my time, my diary lay forgotten in my closet, dust accumulating on it, still waiting for me to share again. I feel guilty today as I realised that I had stopped writing. My diary is what made me realise I love to write, that I can express myself on paper than otherwise. Yet, it is forgotten now and I feel ashamed. Its like I forgot a friend who was with me listening to me in every wake of my life.

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To all those who keep a journal, DO NOT STOP. It’s a part of who you are. Don’t let it lay forgotten amongst magazines and old newspapers, dusty and frayed. Keep it close to you, cherish it, be regular. There is nothing known as “No time”. You have to make time for everything. Keep your diary alive!

Loving yourself..

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I am an individual. I have an identity which I very well like to maintain. Everyone has their own set of problems and their own set of dramas lined up in this funny journey called life.

On this journey, we get so engrossed pleasing others, taking care of others, earning money, power and fame that we forget to love ourselves. We tend to buy expensive clothing, perfumes, shoes to make others like us. To fit in the crowd, all the while forgetting to look at ourselves in the mirror and be proud of how far we have come.  Half of us get degrees because our parents wanted us to, half of us do it to achieve a position of power, be rich, have a rich household. But what about taking some time off, being with yourself? Loving yourself?

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In this race of life, we humans have forgotten to love ourselves. Look closely at ourselves to notice how much we have changed, how much we hate ourselves. We constantly try to fill the void which exists in our soul. What we need to do is take a break, look at ourself, spend time alone and love ourself. Tell yourself that you have come so far and you are doing good. Things will be fine and you are a good person. You are beautiful . We have stopped loving ourselves which in turn has made us this robotic being who is constantly running errands and jobs while forgetting to live. We need to usufruct this life and the outcomes of our achievements.

Take a break, pamper yourself, motivate yourself, love yourself!

Recreate Yourself

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Look around you, 

there is only fear and lies. 

Its time to recreate yourself, 

Be strong and break all the ties. 

When I look at the world around us today I am filled with despair. What I see is barbaric mass killings, cheating, scams, scandals and I am submerged with fear and shame for the human race. What is this race upto? What shall it all end in ?  Killing now a days has become as easy as typing the word on the keyboard. Rapes, murders, kidnaping, scandals have become as easy  as watching a tom and jerry episode; they come, do the deed and are out within 20 minutes and we are all left gaping at the TV . What has become of this race?

The human race was supposed to be the smart one which survives and thrives all the odds and emerges stronger and victorious. Instead , what I see is this race serving over others corpses and snatching the box of happiness of others and thriving on it . I think we need a reset. We need to recreate the goodness and the positivity which this race was all about.

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Just like scientists recreate their solutions when they fail an experiment or atlas make a few tweaks here and there to make sure of the success , we need to make a few changes, or maybe recreate altogether. Just like a kid solving a mathematics recreate his entire solution again to check where he went wrong. We humans need that !!

I do not mean something like Genesis where the word ends and then starts all over again. (Apocalypse is a big NO). what i mean is recreating and finding the humanity and goodness which is still buried deep beneath the pile of greed, jealousy, lust, cheating and lying. We need to reset to out factory settings and become the race which we were meant be. The race which runs this world and makes it a better place and not a scary one.

Someday…..

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Every human is structured to have dreams. To hope and imagine things. We all have certain thoughts as to what we want to be, how we want to live and whom we want to live with.

I have come across atleast 50 such moments when I caught myself saying out loud, “Some day I am going to be a writer”; “Someday I will get married, settle down and be contented”; “Someday I will change the world”; and so on….

I am sure many of you must have dreamt and imagined about this “Someday”. We all have dreams, we all want to make a difference. Even a small time office clerk has a dream of someday being a businessman. Even a house maker can have visions of someday making it big as a best selling author along with raising her kids. These aren’t pipe dreams. The certain “Someday” can exist if you don’t just dream about it but also do something about it. These phantasm ideas can turn into reality the moment you believe you can do it.

I am the one to talk, I have been dreaming of publishing my book for almost three years now but my “Someday” hasn’t arrived yet. I want this pipe dream to turn into reality. I want one of the coming days to be my “Someday”. So go get your day everyone!!

A Cogent Evidence

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What makes you believe in something or someone? What is the force which drives within you to keep faith and moving forward?

Love, friendship, trust are some of the emotions which have no evidence. How will you explain to someone why you love them ? How shall you put forward your case as to why you blindly trust someone? Do you have a strong evidence of the same? I think not.

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Some things are left on belief. Some things are better left unsaid. How else would you explain the phenomena of “Love at first sight”. Or what some people call the “Gut feeling”. There are certain things in life which you can’t explain and you have no evidence of . A child does’t need proof that his mother loves him.  When a woman agrees to marry a man, there is no solid proof about his intentions but she goes with it. Emotions just exist , just like vacuum. No one has seen vacuum but it exists. There ain’t any cogent evidence but still the human race thrives on love. Thats how powerful love can be. Love comes in many for, be it friends , family or your soulmate. You just need to take the leap of faith.

Be a believer!