The forgotten diary

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Ever since I was a little girl, I kept a diary. Writing in it my day to day joys and sorrows, it kept me going through some tuff times (the adolescent times  as they say). It was my priced possession, something which I cherished. School, college, it covered them all.

But true life starts once you are out in the real world. Facing the big bad wolves all clawing for success in every field. I started my job and slowly my diary lay in my closet, waiting for ink to seep in through its pages soon. I wrote my diary mostly during weekends when I was away from the hassles of work and wanted to vent out my anger against sexism at work place and unfair bosses.

I frequented my diary often when the phase of my marriage came along, as there were so many emotions, so many new characters in my life I had to talk about. So many questions and so many dreams. My diary sure was happy as we had become best friends again. But soon after marriage, once I settled down and work and family took all my time, my diary lay forgotten in my closet, dust accumulating on it, still waiting for me to share again. I feel guilty today as I realised that I had stopped writing. My diary is what made me realise I love to write, that I can express myself on paper than otherwise. Yet, it is forgotten now and I feel ashamed. Its like I forgot a friend who was with me listening to me in every wake of my life.

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To all those who keep a journal, DO NOT STOP. It’s a part of who you are. Don’t let it lay forgotten amongst magazines and old newspapers, dusty and frayed. Keep it close to you, cherish it, be regular. There is nothing known as “No time”. You have to make time for everything. Keep your diary alive!

Recreate Yourself

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Look around you, 

there is only fear and lies. 

Its time to recreate yourself, 

Be strong and break all the ties. 

When I look at the world around us today I am filled with despair. What I see is barbaric mass killings, cheating, scams, scandals and I am submerged with fear and shame for the human race. What is this race upto? What shall it all end in ?  Killing now a days has become as easy as typing the word on the keyboard. Rapes, murders, kidnaping, scandals have become as easy  as watching a tom and jerry episode; they come, do the deed and are out within 20 minutes and we are all left gaping at the TV . What has become of this race?

The human race was supposed to be the smart one which survives and thrives all the odds and emerges stronger and victorious. Instead , what I see is this race serving over others corpses and snatching the box of happiness of others and thriving on it . I think we need a reset. We need to recreate the goodness and the positivity which this race was all about.

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Just like scientists recreate their solutions when they fail an experiment or atlas make a few tweaks here and there to make sure of the success , we need to make a few changes, or maybe recreate altogether. Just like a kid solving a mathematics recreate his entire solution again to check where he went wrong. We humans need that !!

I do not mean something like Genesis where the word ends and then starts all over again. (Apocalypse is a big NO). what i mean is recreating and finding the humanity and goodness which is still buried deep beneath the pile of greed, jealousy, lust, cheating and lying. We need to reset to out factory settings and become the race which we were meant be. The race which runs this world and makes it a better place and not a scary one.

Someday…..

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Every human is structured to have dreams. To hope and imagine things. We all have certain thoughts as to what we want to be, how we want to live and whom we want to live with.

I have come across atleast 50 such moments when I caught myself saying out loud, “Some day I am going to be a writer”; “Someday I will get married, settle down and be contented”; “Someday I will change the world”; and so on….

I am sure many of you must have dreamt and imagined about this “Someday”. We all have dreams, we all want to make a difference. Even a small time office clerk has a dream of someday being a businessman. Even a house maker can have visions of someday making it big as a best selling author along with raising her kids. These aren’t pipe dreams. The certain “Someday” can exist if you don’t just dream about it but also do something about it. These phantasm ideas can turn into reality the moment you believe you can do it.

I am the one to talk, I have been dreaming of publishing my book for almost three years now but my “Someday” hasn’t arrived yet. I want this pipe dream to turn into reality. I want one of the coming days to be my “Someday”. So go get your day everyone!!

Press Pause Superhero!

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For all of us out there, sipping our morning coffees and running late for work. A virtual hug for all of you!!

Life has become so monotonous with this corporate life that I think we have entered the age of robots already. And here I refer to us as the robots to avoid any confusions . Look at us!! We wake up, rush to read the paper, make breakfast, have coffee on the way to work, and as soon as that laptop is switched on, human emotions are switched off. Nothing remains except “issues to be resolved”, “cases to be cleared” , people to be fired and people to be hired.

I guess during those 10-11 hours, our brain is doing all the work while our heart is at rest. But the funny thing which I realised is even after those tiresome hours are over, our heart has little to say. As we tend to hit repeat the moment we think out heart is stirring from its slumber, trying to stand up. And the story continues.

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Where is the time for our heart to even disclose what it actually wants. We are in a constant loop. And it doesn’t stop. Doesn’t even pause as a matter of fact. Remember, in those sic-fi movies or the superhero movies, when the world is taken over by the bad guys/robots/ant people, a superhero comes and saves the day.

Well, now would be a good time to press pause , wherever the hero is!!

Hurts like an open vein !!

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There are certain situations which one cannot explain in appropriate words. There are certain heart breaks which leave one in a purgatory abyss.

I stumbled upon a close enough explanation for one such situation/heart break. It dawned upon me while I was listening to this song called”Bleeding Love”. When someone doesn’t love you back and leaves you in that abyss, it hurts like an open vein. BINGO, I told myself!!

How much does it hurt?Is there a measure?? I really don’t think so. This is something which you cannot measure. Is there a rating scale?? Love now a days is daily  process, people fall in love and people fall out of love and its on repeat. But the hurt which follows after every heart break isn’t pleasant. No matter it was a one day affair or a 10 year relationship. Love is love. And when the heart is broken , it will hurt. You would rather a vampire suck all the blood in your vein than experience this pain.

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Yes, I am a little dramatic and use fiction to express my feelings. But hey, so do many others !! There is no harm in using fiction to hide your love or show your love. And the open vein I am talking about, I don’t get what kind of retribution it is for. When you love someone and its not reciprocated, it hurts . And the fact that you can’t let go exacerbates the pain raised to 100.

Someday it won’t hurt anymore.

Ardently Cliche

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“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”  

Yes, those are the golden words said by Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth , expressing the “ARDENT” love he held for the lady.  Do they sound cliche?? Not at all.

But in this era, will you find someone who would confront you and tell you EXACTLY how they feel?? I don’t think so. Now a days, telling someone how you feel is called ” Cliche” or “cheesy” . Also, finding someone who actually says such words is like finding a three headed dragon in this town. So to sum it up, pretty easy.

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I am also one of those people who day dream of finding their “Mr.Darcy” . But again it comes to the point where even I call it “Cliche” when someone remotely tries to say such words. Why is it so? Is it because we are so used to the liras and the cheats that now we wouldn’t know true love if it slapped us on our faces. Just to save ourselves from another heartbreak , we cringe from the cliche of it all. But deep down, its actually what we want- get another chance at love and see if this time you have found your Mr Darcy or not.

Do you know?

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Do you know ,
What it does to me?
When you don’t call,
MY worlds starts to fall!!

Do you know,
How much of you I think?
Tears fall,
With every blink.

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Do you know,
What it does to me?
When you surprise me,
My heart skips a BEAT!

Do you know,
I have now realised.
Its because of you ,
I am tantalised!!