Ever since I was a little girl, I kept a diary. Writing in it my day to day joys and sorrows, it kept me going through some tuff times (the adolescent times as they say). It was my priced possession, something which I cherished. School, college, it covered them all.
But true life starts once you are out in the real world. Facing the big bad wolves all clawing for success in every field. I started my job and slowly my diary lay in my closet, waiting for ink to seep in through its pages soon. I wrote my diary mostly during weekends when I was away from the hassles of work and wanted to vent out my anger against sexism at work place and unfair bosses.
I frequented my diary often when the phase of my marriage came along, as there were so many emotions, so many new characters in my life I had to talk about. So many questions and so many dreams. My diary sure was happy as we had become best friends again. But soon after marriage, once I settled down and work and family took all my time, my diary lay forgotten in my closet, dust accumulating on it, still waiting for me to share again. I feel guilty today as I realised that I had stopped writing. My diary is what made me realise I love to write, that I can express myself on paper than otherwise. Yet, it is forgotten now and I feel ashamed. Its like I forgot a friend who was with me listening to me in every wake of my life.
To all those who keep a journal, DO NOT STOP. It’s a part of who you are. Don’t let it lay forgotten amongst magazines and old newspapers, dusty and frayed. Keep it close to you, cherish it, be regular. There is nothing known as “No time”. You have to make time for everything. Keep your diary alive!
Every human is structured to have dreams. To hope and imagine things. We all have certain thoughts as to what we want to be, how we want to live and whom we want to live with.
I have come across atleast 50 such moments when I caught myself saying out loud, “Some day I am going to be a writer”; “Someday I will get married, settle down and be contented”; “Someday I will change the world”; and so on….
I am sure many of you must have dreamt and imagined about this “Someday”. We all have dreams, we all want to make a difference. Even a small time office clerk has a dream of someday being a businessman. Even a house maker can have visions of someday making it big as a best selling author along with raising her kids. These aren’t pipe dreams. The certain “Someday” can exist if you don’t just dream about it but also do something about it. These phantasm ideas can turn into reality the moment you believe you can do it.
I am the one to talk, I have been dreaming of publishing my book for almost three years now but my “Someday” hasn’t arrived yet. I want this pipe dream to turn into reality. I want one of the coming days to be my “Someday”. So go get your day everyone!!
“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
Yes, those are the golden words said by Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth , expressing the “ARDENT” love he held for the lady. Do they sound cliche?? Not at all.
But in this era, will you find someone who would confront you and tell you EXACTLY how they feel?? I don’t think so. Now a days, telling someone how you feel is called ” Cliche” or “cheesy” . Also, finding someone who actually says such words is like finding a three headed dragon in this town. So to sum it up, pretty easy.
I am also one of those people who day dream of finding their “Mr.Darcy” . But again it comes to the point where even I call it “Cliche” when someone remotely tries to say such words. Why is it so? Is it because we are so used to the liras and the cheats that now we wouldn’t know true love if it slapped us on our faces. Just to save ourselves from another heartbreak , we cringe from the cliche of it all. But deep down, its actually what we want- get another chance at love and see if this time you have found your Mr Darcy or not.
It’s human tendency, whatever happens, we blame it one anything or anyone but ourselves. It’s not like I am passing judgement . It goes with me as well.
Since childhood, my family and friends have said that sometimes I go in a trance. And then I talk something so random that nobody understands. Well I don’t blame them . I blame the books. Yes, books , who are my best friends. I have been reading since I can remember . And being an ardent reader along with a very imaginative mind, I tend to go in the trance or what some people call my own weird magical dreamworld.
I blame the wonderful authors who created a world so beautiful that the real world just isn’t enough for me.
I blame the mesmerising characters who swept me off my feet, made me look at the “Real” people differently .
I blame the beautiful words and poetry which made my dialect so smooth that people think I am either trying to show off or rathe not making any sense.
But most of all, I blame the People , in this so called real world , who don’t understand me and my dreams and look at me with those judging eyes.
There is always a confusion amongst us human beings about the concept of want and need. I am no expert myself but I did ponder over it and would like to share my thoughts with you as well.
So a child is crying . He fell down from his bed and is hurt. He wants comfort but he needs his mother. There is a difference. If his sister or brother comes and picks him up and hugs him, he would stop crying but he would be totally fine internally only by his mother.
A young teenager is feeling lonely and upset. She wants company. Her friends give her company but she needs a companion. She needs a boyfriend. She wants love just like any other teenager across this world.
A man wants a successful career , money and family. What he needs is support and love from his friends and family to achieve it all.
Lets come to me. What I want is to become a famous author and touch millions of hearts like my favourite authors did : J K Rowling, Jane Austen, Cassandra Clare, E L James, Leo Tolstoy, etc. What I need is not too different in this case. I need to write and write. Write everything that comes to my mind. Edit it again and again. Re-read it . Thats what I need to do to get what I want.
So do what you need to get what you want! Or do what you want to get what you need !! Its still confusing.
Thats what I reply when people ask me about my obsession over books, reading fiction and the love for the characters. It’s what I call ‘THE PULL” .
I am pretty sure all the bookworms would agree with me. Its like a gravitational pull. You cannot fight it . Since childhood, whenever I started reading a book, no matter what happened. Until and unless I finished it, I would not get sleep. If i knew that some book got published which would interest me , I would go crazy till I bought it. I had to have it in my own hands. Not an E-Book but the actual book in my hand. Thats The PULL.
So people, if you are also the victim of THE PULL, you would understand me.
So it’s a BIG DEAL. Growing up and fitting in this very complicated society and complying with the norms . I am around people who are “Oh so sophisticated” and fit in with the Hot and Hip culture which is in now a days. And me??
Well, I prefer going to a bookshop and buying books rather than going to malls. I prefer watching Superman over some romantic movie. I sleep on a Disney bed sheet. I carry around my favorite fiction books wherever I travel. I get to hear from so many people “You are always a kid!! please grow up!!”
WHY SHOULD I?? I prefer being away from this real world where everyone is fake and mean . If you want to call me a kid then so be it. I would rather be a kid and stay happy than be miserable and pity myself because of the real darkness of this world . At least I am happy and contented. The thought of the famous quotes of Albus Dumbledore calms me down. The story of Scarlett motivates me to always move on and never give up.
Yes I am a kid. Infact I think that inside everyone there is a kid. Keep that kid alive and you will be happy.