Changing for yourself

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People say we change. Yes we do. But how and why?

I have heard my peers say things like, “Ever since she got married, she has changed.”

“Motherhood has changed her”

“Since he became the boss, he has changed totally!”

But is change good or bad? And doesn’t everybody change with time? Time is a funny thing and it has it’s own will. Post marriage I realized that in order to have a happy life, both the spouses have to change a bit. But nobody forces that change on you. If it is forced, it isn’t change, it is just following orders submissively. But if you change for yourself, with a will of your own, then nothing like it. It leads to a happy and peaceful life.

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Many people relate change as bad. I mean, sure for some it might be. People may change their attitudes due to a superior job or sudden heartbreaks or emotional setbacks. People change for the world because of the world. That is temporary and the results are not that pleasant. A heartbreak might change you to a person who doesn’t trust anyone else. But that isn’t how it works. Sooner or later you will have someone in your life who will make you trust them. Changing because of events or people won’t help you grow. It will just add a defensive layer around you to show others.

Motherhood changes women. They no longer have time for parties or friendly brunches. But that is not wrong. It is because their only priority at the moment is their child. When the kid grows up, the brunches and parties return slowly. Nobody forces a mother to change. She does it herself. For the child and herself. That kind of change is positive and is needed.

Don’t be let down if people say you have changed. Just be glad you have done it for your own good, smile and carry on.

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The world is much bigger than you

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Being a grown up means stress being your middle name. You are running from from here to there trying to do everything at once.  Pay the bills, pick up your dry cleaning , keep your special one happy and pampered and on top of that, try not to lose your peace of mind. The end result is a zillion of people with raised BP issues, heart problems and other health issues. All because of stress of doing it all.

Being a married woman with a big family, an infant and an understanding (but sometimes childish) husband means a whole lot of hard work for me. I am trying to do dozens of things at once, whilst trying to keep everyone happy and trying not to break down under the pressure. The end result; nothing I do is perfect , everything is haphazardly done and I , personally, suffer emotionally. It was one of those days when my emotions got the better of me and I shed a few tears that my husband gave me some advice. “Its always about the priorities. Prioritize things and do them one by one. No one is perfect. Do one thing at a time and I know you will do it perfectly.”

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It got me thinking, does everyone get to chose their priorities? Or am I one of the few who gets this option. I mean, I have seen people who are trying to make ends meet round the clock. I have seen people do two jobs just to feed their family even though they don’t like either of the jobs. Do they have an option of doing one thing at a time? There is so much of poverty and hunger in this world and here I am worrying over cooking, studying , feeding, etc.. There are wars going on, people dying of diseases unknown . The world is bigger than you and I . So lets take a break and be thankful that you are alive, healthy and happy in this world.

The forgotten diary

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Ever since I was a little girl, I kept a diary. Writing in it my day to day joys and sorrows, it kept me going through some tuff times (the adolescent times  as they say). It was my priced possession, something which I cherished. School, college, it covered them all.

But true life starts once you are out in the real world. Facing the big bad wolves all clawing for success in every field. I started my job and slowly my diary lay in my closet, waiting for ink to seep in through its pages soon. I wrote my diary mostly during weekends when I was away from the hassles of work and wanted to vent out my anger against sexism at work place and unfair bosses.

I frequented my diary often when the phase of my marriage came along, as there were so many emotions, so many new characters in my life I had to talk about. So many questions and so many dreams. My diary sure was happy as we had become best friends again. But soon after marriage, once I settled down and work and family took all my time, my diary lay forgotten in my closet, dust accumulating on it, still waiting for me to share again. I feel guilty today as I realised that I had stopped writing. My diary is what made me realise I love to write, that I can express myself on paper than otherwise. Yet, it is forgotten now and I feel ashamed. Its like I forgot a friend who was with me listening to me in every wake of my life.

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To all those who keep a journal, DO NOT STOP. It’s a part of who you are. Don’t let it lay forgotten amongst magazines and old newspapers, dusty and frayed. Keep it close to you, cherish it, be regular. There is nothing known as “No time”. You have to make time for everything. Keep your diary alive!

Have we grown up?

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When we were kids, we always said ” Damn, I can’t wait to grow up, have a life of my own. No parents to nag me, money of my own , blah blah blah.”

Well, reality check people, growing up isn’t a cake walk.  We said all those things as we were in the illusion that grown up life is freaking amazing with no worries. But the truth is that , we have been in a cocoon made by our parents till we are teenagers, and then BAM…. we are sent to the real world!!

I always thought being a man was tuff, seeing my father take care of our entire family and others as well. Being the man of the house is a huge responsibility. But slowly, when I grew up , it hit me that NO!! Being a woman is arduous. I mean, there will be no family if there is no woman in the house. How will the man be the man of the house if there is no woman in his life? Growing up taught me this. Now , when I look at my mom all I see is her strength, her resilient attitude and her smile which is so assuring that nothing seems impossible. Will I be able to be the same when I attain her position?

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Can we be like our parents, our role models when we reach that stage? Will our kids look up to us like how we look up to our parents when we grow up? I realised it is only after suffering on our own do we realise what all our parents must have been through. Why is it that we humans only realise things when we go through it all ourselves? Is it the procedure of finally growing up? If so, how much do we have to go through to finally grow up? Is there a limit to growing up or is it an ongoing process?

Whatever it might be, growing up is an experience which comes with time. I hope we all grow up some day and we have smiles on our faces when we do.

Looks don’t matter!!The Illusory fact!!

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“Looks don’t matter”

We have all heard this a million times. Yet, in this very real big bad world of ours, we have seen with our very own eyes that it is so not true.

Everyone prepares a mental image with the first look at a person. We are all prejudiced no matter how much we try to deny it. “First impression”, as people say, its all about looks and attitude. I agree that attitude and personality do play an important role, but come on, are we going to like a person who looks sloppy rather than someone who is neatly dressed , with a good looking face and smart personality in the first meet? I guess not.

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Lets take it from another angel. We do not like eating messy looking food. We need our food to look well cooked and well organised. Why do we set out tables while having dinner? Why don’t we just eat directly from the pan we cooked the dinner in? Why to use beautiful china? Because looks matter!

Every wedding has pictures. Everyone wants themselves to look the best. No one would know that the bride is a double PhD or a MD by looking at the picture, but they will definitely know that her hairstyle isn’t good, her dress makes her look fat and so on. Its everywhere. I can give more examples but I guess I have made my point. Sadly, even though people give their thoughts on how looks don’t matter, its the persons heart and mind which do, it isn’t what is happening everywhere. I agree, its the heart and soul of a human being which matters the most.

As said by Lord Krishna, “we should not pay a lot of attention towards our outer body, but instead should work for the inner soul, it’s satisfaction.” So reach out for the soul and not the upper covering, not the looks of the outer body.

 

 

Loving yourself..

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I am an individual. I have an identity which I very well like to maintain. Everyone has their own set of problems and their own set of dramas lined up in this funny journey called life.

On this journey, we get so engrossed pleasing others, taking care of others, earning money, power and fame that we forget to love ourselves. We tend to buy expensive clothing, perfumes, shoes to make others like us. To fit in the crowd, all the while forgetting to look at ourselves in the mirror and be proud of how far we have come.  Half of us get degrees because our parents wanted us to, half of us do it to achieve a position of power, be rich, have a rich household. But what about taking some time off, being with yourself? Loving yourself?

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In this race of life, we humans have forgotten to love ourselves. Look closely at ourselves to notice how much we have changed, how much we hate ourselves. We constantly try to fill the void which exists in our soul. What we need to do is take a break, look at ourself, spend time alone and love ourself. Tell yourself that you have come so far and you are doing good. Things will be fine and you are a good person. You are beautiful . We have stopped loving ourselves which in turn has made us this robotic being who is constantly running errands and jobs while forgetting to live. We need to usufruct this life and the outcomes of our achievements.

Take a break, pamper yourself, motivate yourself, love yourself!

Recreate Yourself

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Look around you, 

there is only fear and lies. 

Its time to recreate yourself, 

Be strong and break all the ties. 

When I look at the world around us today I am filled with despair. What I see is barbaric mass killings, cheating, scams, scandals and I am submerged with fear and shame for the human race. What is this race upto? What shall it all end in ?  Killing now a days has become as easy as typing the word on the keyboard. Rapes, murders, kidnaping, scandals have become as easy  as watching a tom and jerry episode; they come, do the deed and are out within 20 minutes and we are all left gaping at the TV . What has become of this race?

The human race was supposed to be the smart one which survives and thrives all the odds and emerges stronger and victorious. Instead , what I see is this race serving over others corpses and snatching the box of happiness of others and thriving on it . I think we need a reset. We need to recreate the goodness and the positivity which this race was all about.

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Just like scientists recreate their solutions when they fail an experiment or atlas make a few tweaks here and there to make sure of the success , we need to make a few changes, or maybe recreate altogether. Just like a kid solving a mathematics recreate his entire solution again to check where he went wrong. We humans need that !!

I do not mean something like Genesis where the word ends and then starts all over again. (Apocalypse is a big NO). what i mean is recreating and finding the humanity and goodness which is still buried deep beneath the pile of greed, jealousy, lust, cheating and lying. We need to reset to out factory settings and become the race which we were meant be. The race which runs this world and makes it a better place and not a scary one.